birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
