Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
