found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
