Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
