Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
