by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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