I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
