i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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