if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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