he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
