i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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