My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
