btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize