The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
