we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
