I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize