do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Randomize
