I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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