apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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