His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
