White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize