Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
