Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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