Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
