You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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