Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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