Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
