Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
only if we run a train.
done.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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