ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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