Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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