Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
