toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
too bad you live with your parents still
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
