I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize