i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
