i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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