week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
