Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
