if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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