You're completely useless in the revolution.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
