He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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