The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I want her autograph on my taint
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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