I think I died a long time ago.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize