i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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