My room smells like vodka and shame
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
