In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
