She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
