i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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