I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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