did you get engaged???
i think my tv is drunk
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The air was thick with penises
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
