dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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