also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
