as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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