Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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