Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Floor bacon is actually really good
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize