I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if only i could text you this smell
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Randomize
