please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I had to cum in my sink.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
