He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize