I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
