can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
