Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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