I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
