Someone shit on the floor
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
