He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
