im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i barfeds in our rink
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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