Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
