Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
