How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
