ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
