You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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